It's been a crazy last few weeks. Between dissertation meetings, seeing the boy and travelling home, it's been increasingly hard to keep up with everything. But I also love it all. Uni's ending soon and this is it for me. This is the last hurdle. So despite having a dissertation and two assignments all due in three weeks, I'm unexpectantly calm. Well, sort of.
I've resorted to baking to calm my nerves. I took a night and day to make some cinnamon rolls (spiked with cardamon, might I add), inspired by my recent trip to Malmo, Sweden. I decided to do an overnight prove, and much like this educational journey, the process was long and slow. With self-deprivation instead of yeast as its catalyst, these last few hours haven't left me wondering whether it's been all worth it, but rather - where do I go from here?
Despite the warm feeling I get from finishing the final few tasks of my degree, there's also a feeling of uncertainty, that I can imagine is all too typical of people that have been in this position before me. This is a time of not knowing. I can make plans for after university, but will they even come to light? My mind, my opinions, my interests change with the seasons, and I'm all too afraid of being stuck in a job I don't like, with responsibilities I don't want, and having dreams I haven't acheived.
But again, like the proving process of those delicious-looking cinnamon rolls - it was worth it. Through the experienced gained, through finally being able to live away from the family home, to managing my own rent, money, jobs, boys... I am incredibly grateful for the experience. Uni somehow gives you the freedom to have these experiences with just about 50 quid in your bank account. Though sometimes tedious, they were invaluable - and they will be thoroughly missed.
And the benefits I will receive from having a degree will be immense. Whenever I've discussed the topic of university with someone of a similar age that went straight into work their overriding response - except for the painful £30-50k debt incurred - is the "wasted time" hindering my ability to "get ahead" earlier on. Now at the end, I can finally, with confidence say that it was far from that. From the advantages listed above, to the not so great things that happened along the way, all played a part in shaping who I am, today. I will enter this next stage with a wealth of experience I didn't have prior to my twenties. It has all been a part of making me a better person.
It has all, been a part of making me a better person. I'm still proving.
C x
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