By the time you're reading this, I have finished my year placement at Peyton and Byrne, (yessssssssss!!!) and am probably well settled in to a new flat somewhere in Birmingham, sitting on my bed, enjoying a very frothy coffee, and counting down the days to the start of my third year of university.
Oh, what a year it has been. So much has changed, I feel I've grown so much, learnt a whole lot and am sad, but apprehensive about this coming year. It could be so great, but it might also end up being such a challenge - like this past year - that comes with pros and cons.
A large part of me cannot believe I'm 20. Yes, I understand that I've lived for twenty years, but in the eyes of society, that means so much more. This past year, I spent the whole time trying to prove myself to my colleagues - who are all much older than me - spurting rubbish like: "Yes, I'm twenty years old, but that doesn't mean I'm not an adult!", "I'm old enough to get married, old enough to have kids, old enough to take out a mortgage on a house... I'm just as able as any of you! Why do you treat me so differently?".. - I didn't actually realise how true those statements were, until today actually, until I started writing this post. And yes, it may seem a bit melodramatic saying that these things are a big deal and that I can't believe where I am, but to put things into perspective - most adults today could tell you where they were five years ago, and it would be mostly similar to where they are right now. I doubt they'd remember a lot, (haha) but they'd be able to recall some details. I, however, remember exactly where I was five years ago.
Five years ago today, I was (fairly, newly) fifteen, had just finished my first week of Year 10 - the second to last year of high school - and had just spent the summer trying to "re-invent" myself, that included my "look", my hair, my style, switching up my music taste, (had just started listening to The Weeknd, so you can only imagine how I looked) trying hard to portray a really (fake) "cool" attitude and convincing myself that Year 10 was going to be my year. MY year.
You can see my priorities were completely different back then. And that's what shocks me so much about the present day. Things have changed so much in the past five years. It makes me so anxious about the future, I may have thought my last few weeks were my final hurdle at Peyton and Byrne, but it was just the beginning of adulthood for me, and that's so so scary. What a reality check.
Christina x
No comments